Day 1 Eclipse Sandwich Meltdown

Today for me has been incredibly challenging. Personally, we find ourselves in the midst of an eclipse sandwich – one occurred last weekend, and another is on the horizon this Sunday. Holy Moly its HARD. The experts out there that I’ve listened to warned us that this week might bring its share of trials, but the depth and intensity of the emotions I'm experiencing is wild. Whether it's in my relationships or at work, it seems as though I've collided head-on with a brick wall and am currently mired in sinking sand.

All the challenges seemed to converge at once, and I found it particularly difficult to handle. Typically, I'm not one to readily seek help when I'm struggling, but today was an exception, and I'm immensely thankful for the support I received from that person.

This morning, I made a sincere effort to engage in self-reflection and find some inner calm, but I found myself unable to shake off the unsettling thoughts that were in my mind. It sounds ridiculous but big questions about my existence and the purpose of my presence on this planet were pushing on me, I’ve been here before and I don’t understand how I’m here again. Words like "useless," "pathetic," and "worthless" crossed my mind.

I'm currently experiencing a deep well of emotions, like being thrust into a rock bottom moment. I’m trying fully to embrace and process all the thoughts and feelings surfacing within me, while also recognising the valuable lessons the universe is endeavouring to unveil. I find myself reflecting on areas where I might be stuck in repetitive patterns, where I persist in the same behaviours while anticipating divergent results. Additionally, I'm contemplating instances where I've doubted my own intuition and those moments when fear has held me back from taking necessary actions.

Finding myself in this situation is undeniably challenging. At present, I'm unable to envision a path towards the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. The aspect that poses the greatest difficulty for me is the sheer uncertainty of taking the next step. It feels as though I've reached a brick wall and I'm at a complete standstill with no clear signals or guidance about what I should be doing. It's as if everything I've attempted so far has yielded no response or direction. I'm left wondering, what is the right course of action for me at this moment?

I've decided to document this process, for my own knowledge and accountability – the steps I'm taking, the work I'm engaging in, and any messages or intuitive insights that arise along the way. My aim is to learn how to trust and act on these insights, whether they pertain to relationships, work, challenges, trust, triggers, or anything else that may emerge. Each day, I'll record my thoughts and experiences, and I'll closely examine them. This is my attempt to navigate my way through this deeply uncomfortable period.

I haven’t yet spoken about how I got into hypnotherapy and one day I will go into more detail, but it started because of my own self discovery journey. So it will be playing a big role in my days, it is the main tool for me that helps me to find clarity and remind me of who I am and my self worth. Recently, I’ve fallen off the bandwagon in terms of my own self practice and I desperately need to get back on. Times like these feel particularly challenging because, as a therapist, my role is to assist others in navigating their lives. So there’s that misconception that I should have all my own issues sorted out in order to help others. But, in reality this work is ongoing and never truly ends and I wouldn’t understand this work the way I do without having to go through it myself.

This morning, I spent a good amount of time journalling. I began by revisiting my core values and reflecting on what truly matters to me. I know I’ve lost sight of my goals, along with a clear direction of what I desire in this life and true essence of what I think those desires will feel like. It's a realisation that achieving or having certain things is not the ultimate goal; rather, it's about how I want to feel when I reach those milestones or possess XYZ. It's the emotions and sensations tied to those accomplishments that truly matter.

Today, I've started to rediscover my core values. I called a friend and spoke up, something I seldom do. I've made progress by checking off some tasks from my to-do list and I’ve wrote this blog. It's a small but significant first step on this path. <3