The Need to Control and How to Let Go.
I like to think of myself as someone who is good at letting go, that I don’t have a big need for control in my life, but in reality that may not be entirely true . Although on the outside I’m pretty calm, on the inside I’ve realised I have such a rigid look on my own life and goals that I become fixated on one way. As a consequence, my world seems to shrink, my choices diminish, and my avenues narrow, limiting the potential for unexpected opportunities to present themselves.
In recent years, there have been several moments in my life when I caught myself in the act. I could see the instances where I was clinging to a fixed idea of how to navigate from point A to B. When my chosen path didn't get the expected results, it left me feeling anxious, stressed, and overwhelmed. Through lots of journaling and some deeper diving into my subconscious I realised what I was doing. Like a lightbulb went off and suddenly I could breathe again. Realising that I didn’t need to be doing this, I didn’t need to be holding on for dear life, that I could let go and just drift for a while, allowing myself to be guided and discovering where I might land.
In the past on various occasions when I embraced letting go, not only was I washed over with happiness but almost magically, the very next day, something significant entered my life—something I had desired but had no clear path to attain. This is what’s called ‘manifestation’ of course. When we change our energy, our patterns, when we surrender and stop forcing you alter the energy around, you open up space for something new to come in, related or not.
For me I’m still practicing, there are times when I experience significant breakthroughs, only to regress occasionally. I lose touch with myself, my true path, and become entangled in matters that don't resonate with my core values. One of my biggest limiting beliefs revolves around my self-trust, particularly during moments like the one I described above.
I've encountered moments of pure magic and witnessed impeccable timing in the unfolding of events, reminding me of my ability to manifest my desires. Yet, I occasionally find myself caught up in life, steering away from my established routines. Sometimes its good to get lost in life, not everyone needs to be meditating and journalling everyday, but I do actually and I really like it. Ensuring I make time for them is a non - negotiable otherwise I slip back into my old headspace. One day I hope that I can just keep moving forward, I'm not looking for all my challenges to disappear, for I take pleasure in the journey and the satisfaction of witnessing the results as they unfold. However, my primary goal is to cultivate greater peace, flow, and, above all, trust in myself and the path that I'm on.
The first steps to letting go are becoming aware of where you are controlling in your life. Where are you forcing an outcome? Where do you feel that you can’t get help because they won’t do it right? Where are you fixated on an outcome? Do you need to have the last word? Do you have to be right? Do you keep chasing an email because they haven’t got back to you about a job offer etc?
These behaviours often have their roots in our subconscious, and they can become habitual, making them challenging to recognise without some introspection and self-awareness.
A straightforward yet potentially discomforting step to consider is, whenever you catch yourself in control mode, try doing the opposite. Instead of persistently pursuing that email, reach out for assistance. Stop forcing or struggling intensely with a situation, and instead, release it and take a moment to breathe. Ask yourself if it truly has to be approached in that particular manner. Perhaps it's not working out for a valid reason. Allow someone else to be right, even if you are convinced they are not, and make an effort to genuinely listen to their perspective.
Control comes from fear, the fear of uncertainty, the fear of being out of control. Being in control of your life sounds like a positive thing, and in most cases, it can be. But for some people, the need to control everything can become all-consuming and like I said earlier, energetically it can block unexpected, possibly better things that you hadn’t even imagined.
Oftentimes, when you've been through challenging experiences during your childhood, where you felt powerless or lacked choices, it can lead to a strong inclination to assert control in your adult life. It's intriguing to explore the specific events or circumstances that trigger this need for control. However, by delving into the subconscious programming and actively taking steps to change your approach, it's possible to gradually release this need for control and find greater freedom.
